To win their friendship and support, you must go out of your way to show interest in each one individually. You appreciate Ma’s meatballs? Say so. You are concerned about her rheumatism? Always inquire about her health and listen to her complaints without making a wry face. You think the furniture is in good taste (even if it isn’t)? Be emphatic in your approval. Is Pa working? Let him tell you about his job. Does he have a hobby? Admire his gardening, his carpentry, or whatever it is. Let him show you a few tricks. Does he play checkers or Michigan rummy? Play with him.
You must follow this procedure of catering to individual interests with every member of the family. Even the children are not to be neglected. They can make life miserable if you ignore them.
Have a word for everyone when you visit. Shyness and reserve are often mistaken for pride. Do not let them think you are a snob.
If your girl requests you to be nice to Aunt Sarah who is grumpy and deaf, be nice if it kills you. If you are asked to dance with Cousin Betty who giggles and has pimples, dance your feet off. You will receive ample dividends for your attention to problem relatives.
When you become a frequent visitor at the home, do not take their hospitality for granted. Remember that hospitality costs time, trouble, and money. Be appreciative. Never arrive empty-handed. Bring some cake, candy, or ice-cream. When Ma has gone to a lot of fuss to prepare a dinner, do not be above offering to do the dishes; it will not make you a “sissy.” Help Pa with the hose occasionally, or find some other way to be useful.
Sooner or later, you will be subjected to pointed questions on your economic status. It is best to be frank in these matters. Giving a false impression means piling up future woes for yourself.
After a few visits you will be able to judge whether or not you are accepted. If they remain cool, do not give up trying to win them over. It may be that they bear no personal ill-will but are too ambitious for their daughter. Perhaps you can make up for charm what you lack in money. In any case, always be civil and friendly. Avoid an open rupture.
If your girl is not sure of her own mind or there is a rival in the offing, her family may prove a valuable ally. They will continue to press your suit even in your absence; and when she is closely attached to them, she will listen.
But should you find yourself the “darling” of the parents, while neglected by the girl — beware! She may be “contrary.” Their rooting, then, does you more harm than good. Forget the old folks and exercise your charms on her. She is the final arbiter!
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