Dining etiquette

 

Dinner date

Do’s

• Open the door for your date and pull out her chair for her.
• Place your napkin on your lap.
• Come prepared with interesting conversation topics to discuss.
• Say thank you to the waiter each time he or she brings you an item.
• Pre-bus the table to make the waiter’s job easier. (This shows you respect those in the service industry.)
• Pay for the whole bill, and make it obvious you are going to do so to avoid an awkward conversation.

Don’ts

• Chew with your mouth open.
• Make the waiter’s job difficult with anal orders and requests.
• Obviously check out other women

1. She goes first. With everything.

And that goes from the moment you pick her up. She’s the first to get in the car because you’re holding the door for her. Same goes for walking into the restaurant. She’s also the first to take her coat off because you’re assisting there too, and the first to sit down at the table. She looks at the wine list first, and orders first (unless you’re sharing a number of agreed upon dishes — then it becomes your job to order for the both of you). She also gets to pick the first piece of bread or whatever appetizer shows up before the entrée. As men, we’re selfish. We’re used to fighting for that slice of pizza or the last beer amongst our equally selfish man friends. Show her that she is your priority. Not the wine, not your steak, not the crème brulee. She is.

2. Pace yourself.

In general, men eat at a faster clip than women. They’re on a stroll. We’re at a solid trot. Slow down. There’s no deadline for you to finish your meal. Plus, if all you’re doing is shoving food in your mouth, how are you going to be able to carry on a conversation? Which leads us to…

3. Listen to her.

A great way to slow your eating down is by listening to what your date has to say. She’s probably pretty interesting (or better yet, very interesting). Of course you don’t want to over do-it and make her feel like she’s delivering a lecture to a hall full of grad students, but pay attention to her, not the other guests in the restaurant, your oddball waiter, or any of the other distractions flying around the room.

4. Look the part. Wear a sports jacket or blazer.

As long as it’s not a total dump, you should be wearing a jacket. And get it tailored. Why? Because when you sit you take a major hit to your shape. Women like guys with shoulders. And when you’re in a chair (or worse yet, some kind of booth), it’s easy to look like you’re collapsing in on yourself. A tailored, natural shoulder jacket will help you maintain that athletic V-shape. It doesn’t have to be wool, and it shouldn’t have rigid shoulder pads. Even Old Navy sells casual cotton blazers for around fifty bucks that, when tailored, will do the job. Plus, the inside jacket pocket gives you an easily accessible place for a card case or the other supplies in your gentleman’s arsenal. So at the end of the meal, you’ll get to effortlessly remove your chosen form of payment from your jacket instead of from under your rear.

4.5 And when it comes to the payment…

You’re paying. All of it.

Dinner

1. Pay attention to your hosts – Being an observant diner and picking up on cues from your host will enable you to avoid 95% the embarrassing situations you could find yourself in. Simple things like waiting to eat until you see others eating and using the utensils others are using will enable you to “wing it.”  However, this constant observing and following does not allow you to relax and enjoy the evening.
2. Chew with your mouth closed and do not talk with food in your mouth – Yes, in the year 2010 we still have a problem with men chewing with their mouths wide open.  And if you have something to say, refrain from filling your mouth the moment before.  In order to recover if expected to speak, only put a single bite in your mouth at a time.  The days of stuffing your mouth with as much food as it can hold are over.
3. Bring your food to your face, not your face to your food – You shouldn’t be leaning over your food, shoveling it into your mouth with a distance traveled of only 6 inches.  Instead, sit straight, balance a single bite on the utensil of choice and bring it directly to your mouth.  And never drink from your soup bowl.
4. Say Thank You, Please, and Excuse Me – These small words are magic and should be used liberally.

When to Start Eating?

The simple and safe answer to this question is when others do.  The reality is that it is often unclear, as that hot food is being served and the hostess along with a helper are still in the kitchen and a few guests are out wandering around out of earshot.  In this case, if hot food is being served and at least two people are seated, you may begin.  If the meal is orderly, and everyone is seated, then once three to four people have been served you may begin (assuming a group larger than 4 – if 4 or smaller wait for everyone to be served).  The general guideline is to never eat alone, but to eat hot food while it is still hot.

A prayer, if to be said, should be initiated by the host but can be given by anyone.  It should be given before the meal is served.  Toasts, on the other, hand can happen anytime glasses are filled and except at formal events can be initiated by anyone; oftentimes a guest toasts the host for their hospitality.

Elbows, Reaching, and Spills

Placing your elbows on the table while the meal is in progress should be avoided; however, there is nothing wrong with putting them on the table during a conversation between meals and during coffee or tea.  Reaching on the other hand is never allowed; if anything is beyond your normal reach (meaning you have to rise from your seat to get to it) or is within another’s personal space, always ask the person closest to pass the item you need.   And if something spills?  First, deal with the item spilling and next do what you can to assist the host with the immediate clean-up.  And then forget about it and enjoy your meal.

Dealing with Food You Do Not Want

• You simply do not want to try it – If you haven’t tried it, how do you know you won’t like it?  Always try to take just a little of all dishes offered; sometimes that little stays on the plate after a single bite, but at least the host was not offended.
• You have a restrictive diet – Depending on how restrictive, you may want to notify your host beforehand so that they can make special arrangements.  I recently hosted a dinner where a number of the guests were fasting for Lent.  Although it required a little extra work, my wife and I were more than happy to accommodate our guest’s diet restrictions.  If the event you are attending is large and the host is not easily accessible, you may want to eat well the meal before in the case you are forced to eat light that evening.
• Saying no to alcohol – Being a non-drinker, I have run into situations where alcohol consumption is expected by all men present.  On many occasions when visiting family in Ukraine I have been pressured heavily to partake in traditional shots of Vodka.  My solution here is to take one glass, toast with the family, and then touch it to my lips.  This works for me, and now that I have built a reputation as a non-drinker the issue rarely arises.  The key is whatever your decision when pressured to drink, keep your choice consistent and you will run into less problems and hurt feelings.

Final Tips

1. Enjoy yourself and have a few drinks if you are so inclined; however do not ruin your host’s night by being the guy who after a half-dozen drinks starts making off-color comments and then argues loudly with his girlfriend.
2. Talk with people – I mean, really listen to them, understand what they say, and have a good conversation.  If you are the only person who has spoken for the last 10 minutes, you are not having a conversation – you are giving a presentation.
3. Turn the cell phone off and enjoy the moment.  Do not put it on silent, as nothing says “Our conversation is less important than some random call” than you peeking at your cell phone every 5 minutes.  You can live without Twitter and Facebook for a night.
4. The best way to acquire proper table manners is to practice them at every meal; make them a habit, teach them to your children, and when you need them they will be there.