How to ask someone to pay back money

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Be Direct When You Ask To Be Paid Back

Asking someone to pay you back is not fun, but sometimes being direct and asking face-to-face is necessary. “If you’ve seen no movement on their part to pay you back, just ask,” Grace says. “Say, ‘When do you think I can expect to see a payment?’ or ‘Hey, can you electronically send me the money I lent you?’ or ‘Can we set some repayment schedule for the money you owe me?’”

While it can be uncomfortable to reach out to someone and let them know you’re still waiting to get paid back, there are ways to make the conversation free of tension for both parties. And often times, the person you loaned money to just forgot. “Don’t assume the person is ignoring you,” Woroch says. “People get busy, and if someone forgets to pay you back, don’t be on the attack right away. Give them a chance and call to politely ask for that money to be paid back.”

TL:DR? Before loaning a friend money, make sure you’re comfortable with asking for it back — and OK with potentially not getting it back.

Drop hints about needing money

No one likes asking for money, and it's safe to say that no one likes being asked for it either. Although you might not see it this way, it's equally stressful for both parties, so the less painful you can make it, the better.

Rather than coming straight out with the "give me my money back" bombshell, try dropping a few hints here and there first – something like, "Sorry, I can't come to the pub tonight, I'm too skint."

If your friend is sharp enough, they should be able to pick up your hints and you can avoid having that dreaded conversation altogether. Worth a try!

Highlight your own financial situation

Credit: Universal Pictures

This is similar to the above point in that you can make your friend more aware of your own situation and encourage them to be a bit more empathetic.

Add a sense of urgency

Adding a sense of urgency to your request will help your friend to understand that you are now in a tricky financial situation after lending them the cash.

Phrases like, "I'm sorry to ask this, but I really need that money to pay an energy bill by the end of this month", would work well. Don't set the deadline too soon, though, otherwise you could get your friend into a real panic.

Give them a bit of notice so they can scrape the cash together first.

Be flexible about receiving money back

Depending on the circumstances of your situation, like how much money it was that your friend originally borrowed from you, it might make the situation a bit less stressful if you suggest they repay you in a few instalments.

This way, you can start seeing at least some of your cash again, and it will show your friend that you really are sympathetic towards their situation.

Find a way for them to work it off

If money is an issue for them, then maybe you can find some kind of favour they can do to wipe the slate clean. If they're a designer and you need a logo, can they do that for you and call it even? If they fix cars, could they take a look at yours and give an honest opinion about work that needs to be done? Everyone has some kind of talent or skill they can provide, and if you need it, they may appreciate the offer.

Barter for something they have that you want

This is another good way to get money back without actually having your friend pony up the cold hard cash. Is there something that your friend has that you would like? It should be of equivalent value to the cash you loaned them, so keep that in mind. Don't go asking for a flat screen TV because you loaned them $20. But if you know of something, and you think they'd be more than willing to part with it, give it a try. Maybe they have two of something, and would be happy to give you one. That would be an ideal way to make everyone happy.

5 ideas for text messages to ask your friend to pay you back the money they owe you for the first time

“I hope you’re doing well. Just a quick reminder that I’ll need that cash I loaned you the other day for [insert what you need it for]. Let me know if I’ll be able to get it by [insert date].”

“I know I said you can pay me back anytime, but something has come up and I really need some cash. Is it possible for you to repay me soon?”

“I hope this message finds you in a better spot than you were in last month when you borrowed that sum of money from me. Let me know if you’ll be able to repay by the end of the month, or else I’ll try to work something else out.”

“We settled on [insert date], but now it’s almost the end of [insert name of month] and I haven’t heard anything from you about repaying the loan. Are you in a position for us to come up with a payment plan soon?”

“Hey Mike, I hope things are well with you. I figured it probably slipped your mind with you being busy and all but are you any closer to repaying that money I lent you?”

2 text messages to ask your friend to pay you back if they ask for deferred payment

“Hey, I know you have a lot going on right now, but so do I. Would it be possible for you to deposit half of the money now and half later?”

“I know you would not ask if you did not need it, so I’m fine with putting payment off until [insert date].”

3 ways of how to ask someone for money they owe you if they don’t reply

“Hey just checking in. It’s been a couple of weeks since you said you would pay me back but I haven’t heard from you. I’ve given you more than enough time to come up with the sum and I’d hate for this to cause any issues. Let me know what’s happening and if you’re doing okay.”

“I’m not sure what’s happening but I’ve been calling and texting you with no response. If you’re having trouble returning the money, I’m sure we can work something out. Let’s talk about it.”

“We’ve known each other for too long to let something like money get between us. I feel like you’ve been avoiding me but if you explain what’s happening I’m sure we can figure it out”