1. Keep your promises.
2. Don’t overpromise.
- Ask yourself whether you could do it tomorrow. If you feel like there’s no way you could do something tomorrow because you’re too busy, and you wouldn’t rearrange your schedule to make room for it, then you can bet that you won’t feel any differently a month from now, and will come to regret making the commitment.
- Double your estimate for how long you think it will take. Part of our overly optimistic forecast for the future is thinking an event or task will take less time than it actually will. When weighing whether to commit to something, double your knee-jerk estimate of how much time it will require of you, to make sure it will really fit in your schedule. Better to over deliver than over promise.
- Give yourself a day to think it over. It can be hard to say no in the moment — you’ll feel pressure to please the asker. So just tell them that you need to look over your schedule, and that you’ll get back to them the next day. This will give you time to really think it over instead of answering on impulse and regretting it later. If you decide to decline, it also usually gives you a chance to make the “no” less personal, by simply shooting them an email the following day.
- Learn how to say ‘no’ firmly but politely. This is one of the most important skills a young man can master. Don’t hedge your no with some “I’ll have to see’s,” and “maybe’s” — be direct and clear. We often feel like turning others down isn’t “nice,” but it’s much more impolite to commit to something, and then bow out later at the last minute, or to come, but to fulfill the commitment in a half-assed manner.
3. Manage expectations. When you make a promise or take on a job, be careful to be realistic about when and what you will deliver. If you’re a salesman or a freelancer, you understandably want to make the thing you’re offering seem enticing to attract customers and clients. But inflated expectations can lead to big-time disappointment — sinking your chances of repeat business with the current client and damaging your reputation for potential future ones.
4. Don’t leave other people hanging. If you do make a promise that truly dire and unforeseen circumstances prevent you from fulfilling, let the person know as soon as possible. Bite the bullet and don’t wait until the last minute to tell them you can’t make it. If you’re running late, call ahead to let the person you’re meeting know instead of letting them wonder where you are.
Always strive to be prompt in your responses to online communication as well. Try your best to reply within 24-48 hours of receiving a text or email, even if just to say, “I can’t give you an answer right now, but will look into it, and get back to you as soon as I can,” or “Got it. Will get to work!”
5. Whatever you do, do it well. The maxim: “If something is worth doing, it’s worth doing well,” has been around for a couple of centuries, and is just as true today as it ever was. Do your best work whether the task is fulfilling and important, or menial and mindless. Some young men feel that it’s alright to half-ass work when it’s a task that’s “beneath” them, saying that they’d put in a real effort if the work was commensurate with their talents and abilities. But it’s the man who takes pride in his work, whatever it is, who moves ahead; he who cannot be trusted with little things, will never be trusted with big things.
6. Be consistent. Consistency is a huge part of reliability. The guy who gets pumped about an exercise program, works out every day, and then after two weeks falls off the wagon for several months; the student who sometimes churns out A+ papers and sometimes doesn’t turn them in at all; the friend who hangs out with you every day but disappears when you ask for a favor; the boyfriend who apologizes for his temper and callous behavior and swears he’s going to turn over a new leaf…for the tenth time. These men lack consistency, and thus fail to gain the trust of others, and build faith in themselves.
The reliable man develops consistency by setting goals for himself that stretch and challenge him, but are doable day after day.
I hate a thing done by halves. If it be right, do it boldly; if it be wrong, leave it undone. –Bernard Gilpin
7. Finish what you start. A boy picks up one toy or craft or game after another, leaving a trail of half-finished projects through his childhood. A man carefully decides what projects he will begin — he does not rush into things in the heat of blind emotional enthusiasm — and then sees them through to the end.
8. Pull your weight and shoulder your own responsibilities. When you’re on a team or working on a group project, other people are counting on you. When you don’t fulfill your role, you imperil their success, and unfairly increase their burdens. For example, when you call in sick to work, when you really just want to loaf around, you make your fellow employees work much harder or force someone to work on what was supposed to be their scheduled day off.
9. Be honest. If a news site frequently got a story wrong, readers would soon reject it as unreliable. We also offer “news” and opinions to others, and if they contain falsehoods, people will stop looking to us as a source of enlightenment. We can deceive others in very straightforward ways — lying, cheating, stealing — but in more subtle ways as well — in a look or a gesture, in silence, in telling only one part of a story and leaving out another, in passing along gossip, and so on. Anything that leads people to believe something that isn’t true is dishonest.
Another part of being honest is always saying what you mean. Don’t tell an acquaintance that you’d love to hang out and you’ll give him a call every time you run into him, if you have no intention of following-through. Don’t tell a girl you want to stay friends when you break up with her, if you’d really rather go your separate ways altogether.
10. Pay back money and return things in a timely manner. Whether you borrow $100 or a hammer, return the money or item as soon as you can. Your friend will remember that you owe him, but won’t want to ask, which can cause a rift in your relationship.
11. Be punctual. If you tell someone that you will meet them at a certain time, you have essentially made them a promise. And if you say you’ll be there at 8:00, and yet arrive at 8:15, you have essentially broken that promise. Being on time shows others that you are a man of your word.
12. Be fair and consistent in rewards and punishments. A reliable man makes very clear what requirements must be met to earn a reward, and what kinds of behaviors warrant punishment. When those standards are met or violated, he doles out rewards and punishments without regards to favoritism or his current mood. People know exactly what to expect from him, and this builds the resiliency of those under his leadership.
A man who showers one person with praise, and is stingy with another for the exact same accomplishment, or sometimes punishes punitively and sometimes leniently for the same transgression, breeds apathy and “learned helplessness” — a feeling of “what’s the point?” — among those he leads. Being consistent with your rewards and punishments is especially important if you aim to raise resilient children. Esquire Magazine called this “parenting like a video game.” The rules of a video game are predictable — do this and get docked, do this and move ahead. When your kid does something wrong, you dispassionately dole out the agreed upon punishment, and hit the reset button — time to try again. When they do something right, you consistently give the agreed upon reward, and let them level up in your trust of them.
While, then, the stubborn facts may not be altered, we can…make them serve our ends. He who thus adjusts himself to circumstances makes them his friends that hasten to help at every turn, while he who fails so to do is surrounded by enemies that continually annoy and attack. –William C. King, Portraits and Principles of the World’s Great Men and Women, 1898
13. Don’t let circumstances dictate your behavior. Your values, ethics, morals, purpose, and so on should not be contingent on the circumstances in which you find yourself. A man who chooses to be happy can be happy anywhere, while the man who wishes to be morose will find reason for complaint in even the most favorable of situations. The reliable man is the same man no matter what befalls him and makes the most of whatever hand he is dealt.
14. Don’t collapse in emergencies. Your reliability will be most tested during a crisis. Plenty of men can be there for others and do a job when the sailing is smooth. But when the crap hits the fan they fold like a lawn chair. Fair weather reliability is no reliability at all. The reliable man practices and prepares for emergencies so he knows just what to do in a crisis. And he cultivates the virtues of courage and hardihood, so that when everyone else is running away from chaos, he digs in his heels and starts running towards it.
15. Show up. It is often said that 95% of life is just showing up. I don’t know how accurate that number is for life as a whole, but it’s certainly spot on when it comes to reliability. Show up to work on time. Show up to the party you promised to attend. Show up to your friend’s play, even if he only has a bit part.
Even when you haven’t promised someone that you’ll be there, if they need you, show up.
I was recently talking to a friend whose mother had just died. She said how surprised she was to see old friends of hers and of her family — some she hadn’t seen in two decades — show up at her mom’s funeral. She said she hadn’t realized how much their presence would mean to her, and how grateful she would feel to see them there. She had previously wondered how well you should know a person to attend their funeral, but now felt it was always a good idea to show up.
Being reliable means that when a friend needs support, he does not even have to ask you or wonder if you’ll show. He can say with certainty, “He’ll come.”
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