How to Give a Toast

Be Prepared

“Flubbing the toast is like serving stale champagne: it flattens the mood.” –Paul Dickson, Toasts

First, you need to be prepared. While toasting is meant to be improvisational, that doesn’t mean working entirely off the cuff in the moment; as Mark Twain once said, “It usually takes three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.” Even if you plan to give your toast extemporaneously, you ought to have a repository of some famous toasts/quotes in mind, and/or have been thinking about a theme for a few weeks and can pick just the right length and specific words once the occasion comes.

If you don’t trust yourself to do even that, go ahead and write something out. As you’re doing that, ask yourself the following questions:

1. Who/what is being toasted? If it’s a best friend, it can be a little more informal. If it’s a grandparent, something sweet and sentimental is obviously far better.
2. What is the reason for the toast? Is it an anniversary? A college graduation? A wedding? A promotion? Heck, even a breakup? The specific occasion will guide much of what you say.
3. What type of event is it? The event type guides the formality of the toast more than anything else. A work party? Better keep it pretty straight-laced. Cocktail hour with college friends? You’re safer going off the cuff and/or with an inside joke or two.
4. Who is in attendance? Related to the above point, but you really want to know your audience in order to craft your toast. You don’t want to say things that only make sense to one group of people. At a family event, you’ll say something quite different than you would at a work party. At a large, diverse gathering, you want to keep statements very broad and centered on the toastee so that everyone can get what you’re saying.

Along with these specific tips, in general, brush up on your public speaking and improvisation skills. The art of toasting deftly combines both of those things, and provides a great opportunity to practice those skills which naturally transfer into numerous other areas of life. 

Decide on Your Format

“A toast is a basic form of human expression that can be used to convey virtually any emotion, from love to rage (although raging toasts tend to cross the line into the realm of curses). They can be sentimental, cynical, lyrical, comical, defiant, long, short — even just a single word.” –Paul Dickson, Toasts

You can choose to make the whole toast an original composition, or to recite a classic set toast (see the ideas we’ve gathered below).

Arguably the best kind of toast, though, is one that combines the two elements: a brief, original introduction directed at the specific occasion and attendees, followed by a classic set toast to end things on a strong note.

Keep It Short

As Dickson notes above, toasts can involve just a single word; indeed, in ancient times, it was common to simply raise a glass “To health!”

You don’t have to keep your toasts quite that pithy, but they should always be short — about 30-60 seconds, erring on the shorter side versus the longer. Get to the point, and quickly. Only at particular gatherings should a toast exceed that, such as at a wedding, anniversary party, or other event where a longer tribute is more appropriate — and even then, you don’t want to go past a couple minutes or so.

Lean Towards Sincerity Over Humor

A lot of guys try to be funny at social gatherings, believing themselves to be far more humorous than they really are. This is especially true when giving a toast. Think about how different best man speeches are from maid of honor speeches. The former almost always tries to insert some funny story or joke that inevitably falls flat. Why is this?

Humor is very hard to get right, especially with a large and diverse crowd. At weddings especially, you have folks of all ages, all different careers and life experiences, and different social circles. The best man trying to be funny is likely doing so for his own circle of friends, and that’s all who will laugh. So with the vast majority of toasts, avoid seemingly humorous topics like exes, failures, and inside jokes; while covering such territory is common, it’s overly dicey to do.

Humor can work if you’re with a smaller, perhaps all-male group of comrades. In those informal instances, inside jokes and even some “colorful” remarks are acceptable, and even expected. In general, though, aim for sincerity. That’s sometimes harder for guys to do (which is why we lean on humor in the first place), but if you’re prepared — it all comes back to being prepared! — you’ll be able pull off a sentimental salute without a hitch. Sincerity is far better remembered by a toast’s recipients than an ill attempt at humor.

Be Sure That Everyone Is Involved & Has a Drink

While it’s obviously most traditional to toast with alcohol, you can of course toast with anything, as these boxers who would soon be squaring off against each other in the ring demonstrate.

Toasts are all about inclusion. Nobody is to be left out — children, the elderly, non-drinkers, all should be able to be part of the toast. At a dinner party, be sure that everyone is seated with their food and drink. If food isn’t part of the gathering, or if the toast is happening during cocktail hour versus the dinner hour, be sure everyone has a drink to toast with (ginger ale or something else that’s bubbly makes it special for kiddos). Also, as much as is possible, ensure everyone is present. As the host, keep an eye on things; if someone is off to the restroom, wait until they’ve returned. You don’t want someone to have to awkwardly walk into the middle of a toast.

Don’t Toast Before the Host

If you aren’t the host of an event, don’t give a toast before they’ve had the chance to do the honor. If it’s been mutually decided that you’ll toast first, then go for it. Otherwise, wait until the host has had their say.

Announce Your Intentions With Both Words and Behavior

At a boisterous party or gathering, it can be hard to know the right time and way to make your toast. How do you get everyone’s attention? At the start of a dinner party, it’s a little easier: as host, you should be waiting to get your food until everyone else has already done so. So when you approach the table, theoretically everyone else is already seated or in the process of doing so, and you can simply stay standing and say something like, “I’d like to propose a toast.”

If people are milling about, or you’re giving a toast in the midst of a meal, you’ll need to get the room’s attention. Don’t do so by clanging your glass with a utensil, which isn’t very tasteful, and might break the glass to boot. Instead, signal your intention by standing up and raising your glass to shoulder level, with your arm pointed towards the center of the party. If people still don’t notice your gesture and quiet down, just loudly say something to the effect of “If I can have everyone’s attention.” A loud throat clearing or “Ahem” is a bit informal and just never comes across quite right; it almost reads as sheepish and shy.  

End With a Clear Invitation

You’ve surely seen toasts that end amorphously; the audience isn’t sure if you’re finished or not. So when ending your toast, make that fact clear and demonstrate what everyone should do next. Say something like “Cheers!” or “Let’s a raise a glass to ___,” and then lead the way by finding someone near you to clink glasses with (if you’re in a small gathering) or going ahead and taking a sip from your glass (if you’re in a large gathering).

When to Give a Toast

So now you know how to give a toast, but when should you do so?

In our modern, generally toast-free society, it’s hard to know when it’s appropriate to offer a toast. Luckily, there are numerous occasions where giving one would not only bring a smile to everyone’s face, but elevate the general mood and environment — always the goal of a good toast!

Below you’ll find a sampling of times where it’s appropriate to offer a toast; the list is certainly not meant to be exhaustive, and there are many other fitting times to offer one as well.

Weddings

While weddings are generally a carefully orchestrated affair, there are a couple times during the celebratory events where a toast might be appropriate. At the reception, there is often the formal giving of toasts by the best man, maid of honor, bride and groom, and/or parents. This is not a point where you want to add your own toast (if you haven’t gotten permission from the couple first). You might instead give your own “unauthorized” toast at the rehearsal dinner before the wedding, or on the day of the wedding itself, you might do so at your individual table or with a group of friends during the cocktail hour. The happy couple should of course be the object of your toast.

Dinner Parties With Friends

While dinner parties are a dying breed of their own, they’re the perfect occasion for a toast. If hosting, it’s easy and can really be given anytime, though during a cocktail hour when everyone has a drink or at the start of dinner is ideal. Toasts here can focus on your thankfulness for the group involved, and perhaps even an inside joke (if everyone would be privy to it, of course). You can also toast even if you aren’t hosting, though, remember, you shouldn’t be the first to do so.

Holiday Gatherings

Holiday parties, whether they be filled with coworkers, friends, or family, are perfect occasions for toasting. You can toast to the good year behind you, the upcoming year ahead, your thankfulness for the holiday, and/or the reason it exists in the first place (Thanksgiving, 4th of July, Easter, etc. — those all have pretty clear meanings). A prayer is often part of religious holiday observances, but there’s certainly room for both that and a sincere toast.  

Graduation, Retirement Parties, Post-Funeral Gatherings

This really encompasses any occasion that’s been put together for a specific life transition, and also includes promotions, engagements, and anything else you can think of too. Toasts at gatherings like these should of course focus on the life transition at hand, reflection on past memories, and well wishes for the future. Note that while toasts don’t happen at funerals, or even typically at wakes, they are appropriate if you get together with a small group of friends at a bar or pub after these more formal events to pay more intimate respects to the dead.

Anniversaries and Date Nights

Toasts well suit the marking of romantic milestones, and that’s true even if you don’t throw a big anniversary party, and the only audience for the toast is your partner. You can offer a nice toast to your gal if you go out together to celebrate your anniversary, or even simply during the course of a normal date night. Either way, toasting to the woman you love is a great way to express sincere affection, wonder, and gratitude for her presence in your life.

Casual Social Events

Getting together with old friends at a bar? Having a bonfire with the neighbors? Tailgating at the big game? This is where you can really harness the spirit of our ancient manly ancestors. (Whether or not you drain your vessel is of course up to you and your good — or not so good — judgment.) Offer up an informal toast; this is where your wit, humor, and inside jokes can be unleashed, which isn’t the case with many of the events listed above.