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Be genuine. I often compliment people I work with on their work but I mean it and it doesn't come off as forced. People can feel when you aren't sincere. I work with someone who is a quiet guy but everyone raves about how much they enjoy working with them. Just two examples, there. I'm a more vocal and complimentary personality while he's very quiet.
You have to put yourself out there. Open your mouth and start/join a conversation with people. I've had some really good oppurtunities come because I joined in a talk some other people were having.
This may be kind of obvious, but always, always, always be a person of your word. If you tell someone you're going to call them on Tuesday in the afternoon, make that call at that time. Always be on time. I've had a lot of people who I've tried to help before who were awful at this. I offered to help a classmate of mine study in college (I just happened to be good at the thing he was struggling with). And he'd always miss our appts to meet then text me with an excuse. I've seen this happen a lot with people in my work as well. You cut yourself off from really good oppurtunities when you're unreliable and disrespectful.
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Networking is very very simple.
Say hi to them for a week simple hello good morning afternoon how are you.
Next week they will be familiar with your face. Dig a little deeper ask what they are planning on the weekend tell them about something you saw on your commute.
Always listen closely and remember the little details. Does a specific secretary have something special on her desk maybe a statute of the Eiffel Tower? Ask her about it.
Don't forget it's not always the bosses that are valuable connects it's the people who work directly for them.
Secretaries will let you know where they're going when they "step out" they'll Tell you their bosses favorite habits etc.
Janitors will get you into places with restricted access.
It's all about saying hello it costs nothing to be polite.
Do this and you'll be fine. Remember "treat the janitor with the same respect you treat the CEO."
TLDR; say hello to everyone
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For me:
Grad school - when I was taking up my MBA, I met a lot of people from diff industry - marketing, engineers, govt employees, lawyers, etc. I’m still talking to them until now
Work connections - and this is not only limited to my teammates. We go out with clients for some drinks, for more “casual” hangout, we bring our friends too. So ayun, common friend
Friends of my college/HS friends - after college, some of my friends went to law school, we work at diff industry din so when they throw a party, I meet people from diff industry
Surprisingly - I’ve met nice people from Reddit too. Not really met in person. We talk about what we do and we connect on LinkedIn
One of my biggest tips for beginners to entrench yourself in social circle. It provides a low-pressure environment for you to practice social skills (whereas cold approach is very high-pressure; it's a do or die environment).
However, if you can't even spend time with a social circle, or are only part of a few, then what do you do?
Learn how to be invited.
A social circle isn't some defined social group. It's fuzzy and so is its hierarchy, at least at certain times. However, what makes it at least somewhat cohesive is that it's a group of people who regularly do things together.
They go bowling together.
They go drinking together.
They play Magic: The Gathering together.
They have the same grad-classes.
They work at the same office.
They share some type of activity in common. Thus, becoming part of that social circle is as simple as becoming another person who also participates in those activities alongside them.
You can easily do this by already being a part of that activity, and simply meeting them. That's the most organic way.
You start training boxing. You meet the group of guys who go to the 4:30 class. You regularly go. You meet them and consistently see them there.
Now, you're a part of that social circle within that context (or as I'd say, within that social grid, the literal environment where that social circle does activities together).
Using that same environment, I'll teach you the more proactive way that you get involved in a social circle or deeper into that social circle.
Let's say you know everyone at the boxing class, but you don't talk to them much.
Well, you're going to have to at least say hello. This is like never approaching a girl and expecting to go on dates and have girlfriends. Luckily, you're already in an environment where socializing is okay. Also, you're not immediately trying to fuck whoever you're talking to, especially if it's a guy (unless you're bi/gay, in that case, you might be a bit nervous since the pressure is on).
That not being the case, you simply say, "Hey" or "How are you?" Introduce yourself. Ask basic questions. Where they're from, what they do. Make a comment on their boxing. Make a joke about how bad it smells in there.
The best way, however, is to get to know them by asking them questions. You don't have to get super deep, especially if you can't talk for too long periods of time, because you've got to do drills or focus on whatever activity it is you all share in common.
However, once you do make that brief connection with them, you can considered them at least an acquaintance. How do you go from acquaintance to friend?
You spend time with them.
Here is the fundamental key behind being invited somewhere and the three ways you go about it.
Key: Value. If you provide value, people will value you. That value could be that you are good at conversation. Or maybe you're really funny. It can also be context specific. Maybe you've been boxing for three years and they're new, so you provide boxing knowledge when they have none. This value is important to THEM so they value YOU. The fact that you're a good boxer and that they care about boxing could be enough for them to say, "Hey, me and my buddies are going out tonight. If you don't have any plans, you should join us." If you aren't being invited places like this, you need to provide more value. It's okay if you don't yet, but it is something you can induce by simply being a cool, fun, funny, interesting, knowledgeable or sexy, depending on what they want from you.
How to actually mechanically induce this invitation? Two ways.
Firstly, drop hints. After you've established at least the most basic of conversation, like names and where you're from, then ask them what they're up to this weekend (weekends are good bets for getting invited places). If you've provided some value to them, they might invite you along. It's not guaranteed and sometimes they might simply think you're not interested (I know this because I then invite THEM to hangout in they say yes). You can let them know you're interested without inviting yourself along by saying, "Oh, that sounds awesome" and asking questions about it.
For instance, if they say, "Oh we're heading to that new bar on Blookie Blakka street," you can say, "Oh I heard about that one, sounds like a fun place. When did they open?"
Have a conversation about it.
Now, for the other method.
Invite THEM somewhere. It could be anything. You're going to the beach, a bar, the gym, etc. The more relevant it is to them (which you'll know by getting to know them) and the higher value it is (inviting them to a private party at a mansion, for instance, is better than a happy hour at some dive bar), the more likely they'll say yes. And even if they say no or that they're busy, it still has the intended effect - it provides value and lets them know that you are interested in them.
Often, that's all you need for them to be interested IN YOU. They'll realize you value them, so they'll be more tempted to invite you somewhere. Maybe not today but, if you see them regularly, another time.
At some point, if you do this right and with the right person, you'll spend time with that person. Then, the trick is spending enough time with them that they bring you along activities with other people they know, thus increasing your network.
Hang out with those people regularly, and, BOOM, you're part of their clique. Remember, a social group is nothing more than a group of people who regularly do activities with each other and talk to each other.
Do this ad infinitum, and you have a potentially infinitely large social group.
All it takes is one person to completely change your social life.
If you do this and you're still not getting invited places, you need to become more enjoyable to be around. I know it's tempting to get upset and that people don't want to get to know you, but it always comes down to either
You're being weird, angry, judgmental, or you're leeching value from them by being annoying or needy
or
You're not showing interest by inviting them yourself, so they, also being nervous, don't want to invite you because they're afraid you'll say no (surprise, other people are nervous, too; it's not just you).
It's ALWAYS one of these causes.
So, get friendly. Get into situations where you can meet people naturally (clubs, Meet Up groups, bars, sports teams, game teams, etc - do things that interest YOU then add other people in to the mix), provide value, and show interest.
Hector
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I am 31. I am nothing like I was at 24. I mean that in the most literal way possible. My Social Security number and my legal name are about the only things that still apply. If you want something different, make it happen.
Introversion is a special kind of challenge. The only way you're going to get past that is to put yourself out there. Don't be afraid of feeling awkward, saying the wrong thing, thinking you're weird. Everyone thinks that, and once you're out of the room at the end of the night, no one is going to remember you that way. You'll just be one of the people at the party.
Go have some fun and make it a habit.
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be the first one to introduce yourself and shake hands of everybody. Literally, if you are at a house party and know only the host -make round from room to room, and i troduce yourself to everyone.
be the first one to host some event -go in front of the group after a cllass and say ‚hey, next week let’s grab some drinks after’
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Work on being the kind of person that people want to be around. Smile, crack jokes, have awesome hobbies, basically just all around love yourself. Make acquaintances through clubs/events/social things/ class/ literally anything. Then just start treating your new acquaintances like you are good friends and hang out all the time. Casually invite a classmate out to get a beer or to the lake after class. Invite everyone to everything and a social circle will form around you.
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What you need is:
Regular place to see people
Ability to strike up conversations with them
Courage to invite them to do something with you
That's all. That's the procedure. There's a lot more I could say about personality and how to come across as someone people would want to hang out with, but that's a separate issue.
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I recommend attending any clubs or academic society activities that are in a more casual setting. Making friends in class can be done, but it’s definitely harder to when most of that class time is taken up by shutting up and listening to your professor. I was in your same situation my first semester of college because I was roommates with my sister, so everyone I met was because of her, but after she graduated, I didn’t know anybody and had to find friends. I didn’t find them that quickly, and it wasn’t until the very end of my second semester that I found my best friends and my current roommate. When I met them, I was on a nature retreat for my college’s polisci academic society, where there weren’t nearly as many people as a lecture hall and so I got to know people a little bit better by just going up to them and talking to them. It was a casual setting and there wasn’t any pressure to impress. We didn’t become best friends instantly afterwards, but I asked them for their numbers or social media so I could talk to them more and they could see who I really was on my social media. Soon after, they started to invite me to lunches with them or movies at their apartment. It’s really all about just being in more casual settings where people can get to know you more easily.
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What a lot of guys don't understand about Social Circle Game is that there are 3 parts to it. 1) Meeting new people. 2) Getting to know them. 3) Then they introduce you to their friends. Most guys want to be at Step 3 without doing Steps 1 and 2. This is why social circle game doesn't work for them.
Sometimes I see a post asking how to do social circle game.
Or someone says "Social circle game doesn't work. I only have 3 friends from high school." Of course this isn't going to work! You're doing it wrong. You're missing the first two steps of Meeting New People, then Building A Friendship with them.
Social Circle Game takes more time at the beginning, but once you set it up correctly, you get lots of results for little effort.
STEP ONE
Meet new people either through social hobbies, meet up groups, online apps or cold approaching.
Here is where having a Social Hobby you enjoy doing, and which women also do, is important. I like to do dancing and beach volleyball, and genuinely enjoy these. But I also meet lots of men and women. But just meeting them isn't enough.
STEP TWO
Take the initiative to get to know them, or create a friendship group with them.
GET TO KNOW THEM INDIVIDUALLY
This means catching up with them one on one to build a friendship. I once met a woman at a meet up group, caught up with her a few times and we became friends. Then she introduced me to her friendship group.
I don't like cold approaching, and don't do it often. But a few months ago I cold approached a woman, and instead of trying to seduce her I became friends. We both were interested in marketing, and built a friendship based on that. Then she introduced me to her friends who were also interested in marketing.
It's not always going to work like this. A lot of people you meet might not become your friend, or may not introduce you to others. But those who do are Connectors. They can keep introducing you to new people. The woman I met at the meet up group, about a year later she made friends with a new group of people. And she introduced me to that new group as well.
It becomes like passive income for my social life as I don't have to do much work. The Connectors meet new people, then introduce me to them. Not everyone you meet will be a Connector, but you only need a few of them to automate your social life. Connectors like meeting new people and bringing friends together. As long as you respect them, don't act creepy, and thank them for introducing you to new people, they often will keep inviting you out.
It's also important not to just use Connectors to meet people. Help them when you can and give them emotional support, or introduce them to your friends if they want to meet new people through you. Sometimes I like to organize events with a Connector where I combine my friendship group with their friendship group.
You also need to have the mindset of wanting to make friends with everyone, not just Connectors. If you're actively out hunting for popular people, you give off a weird vibe. Make friends with everyone, those who have lots of other friends will introduce you to them if they like you. You also don't want to be dependent on others for a friendship group, so you must practise building your own friendship group.
BUILD A FRIENDSHIP GROUP
Often I will meet 5 or 6 people, then organize to do something together like have lunch, picnic in park, go to movie or museum, etc. If you organize events with the same group of people enough times, you create a friendship group.
You will need to pay attention to see if they get along with each other, or if someone is arguing with others and need to be cut out. But once you find the right combination, you have a fun friendship group.
They may not introduce you to new people, but can give you emotional support, help you in other ways, and be a lot of fun to spend time with.
STEP 3
THEY INTRODUCE YOU TO THEIR FRIENDS
As mentioned earlier, when some of them are friends with you, they introduce you to their friends or invite you out to parties.
And if you have a Social Hobby you're good at, enjoy doing, and which women do, you will meet women passively through that as well.
This is what Social Circle Game is.
But most people want to be at Step 3, without doing Steps 1 and 2. In my experience, it doesn't work this way.
OTHER POINTS. Some other points to remember with social circle game:
Don't be that guy who tries to pick up all the women you meet through friends, or get the contact details of all the women.
Speak to the guys as well as the women. Sometimes I spend more time speaking to guys I get introduced to, because I genuinely believe male friendships are important.
Listening without judgement and accepting the other person for who they are is a powerful skill to create a connection with someone.
You have to take the initiative to invite the other person out and build a friendship with them. A lot of times they want to be your friend, but are too shy or lazy to take the initiative.
Not everyone will want to be your friend. But that's fine. Find the people you click with, they are who matters.
I'm half asleep while typing this, so I hope it made sense.
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There's a short cut to having success with women, and no it's not what most people preach. This doesn't even require you to go to the gym, work on yourself, or go to bars (not that these things aren't important.
First off, just take a look at most people. Who do they hang out with? That 1 friend from highschool, maybe 2 coworkers, and then a friend of a friend who is now our friend. Most people are content with this and don't really venture further than that.
As a kid making friends is easy. "Hey want to be friends?" "Fuck Yea!" (not actual words of an 8 year old. As an adult we take what we get, and don't really work on growing that. Having a good social circle is one of the most underrated things adults don't focus on. If you had a strong social circle, 5 guys 5 girls even, where every other weekend you all went out and did something, be it karaoke, going to a bar, rock climbing, anything really. You tell everyone to bring a friend along, then a few things happen.
1.) You have an awesome group that always wants to do fun stuff.
2.) There's potentially someone there you have chemistry with OR they bring someone else who you connect with.
3.) People on the outside want to be part of this fun tribe you've created.
So if you're feeling a little frustrated, and you don't have an awesome dating life, or aren't having that much fun in life in general. Start by taking a good strong look at your social circle.
Quick Tip:
To build your own awesome group. Go to a meetup/ facebook event/ networking event and introduce yourself to people with the sole purpose of making friends.T hen invite them all to an event you're hosting. Be it a house party, karaoke, or even an out door day event.
Take the initiative and be proactive.
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I went from 0 friends to having a massive social circle in under a year, this is how I did it
I'm an early 30s guy in the United States, and 8 months ago I moved to a city I'd never even visited before. I chose this city because there aren't many COVID restrictions. I hadn't left my apartment in a year before this, so my social skills had deteriorated quite a bit. The last time I had a friend group was in 2014. I decided to try and focus on my social skills and building a friend group.
I succeeded more than I'd ever hoped. Now it's normal for me to get invites to 2-5 parties/hangouts every week. Most importantly, I see the friends I've made here very frequently. I've never considered myself popular before this. Now people know me for always having plans, being very well-liked, etc. I figured I'd share how I did it if someone might gain something from it.
First of all, I read many books on socializing, from the classic How to Win Friends and Influence People to The Charisma Myth, etc. As I read them, I underlined and tried to put everything to use and keep it in mind.
I joined a social sports club as soon as I got here. I got put on a random team. We played once a week, which helped me get back into socializing. I only made two lasting friends, but it helped me get started.
I made it a goal always to have something to do in the evenings, so I made it known I was always down to do things. By constantly going to events, whenever I met someone I wanted to get to know better, I could invite them to my plans. Now here's the chicken and egg problem: it can come off too intimate if you ask someone you barely know to a 1-on-1 hang out, especially the opposite sex, as they think it could be a date. So I focused on coming off as wholesome as possible and inviting people to group activities. As soon as you're seen in groups, you have social proof that you're probably a decent person, so it makes it easier to make more friends. I wasn't too picky about who I hung out with initially. I figured the more people I met, the better, and I could be picky once I had established relationships.
I made sure to stick with reliable people who follow through on their word. I've had friends previously that I invited over who don't show up. It's awkward if you invite 3 "good" friends over and 2 new people and your 3 "good friends" end up canceling. You look bad.
Once I started having people over for board games, drinks, etc., things got much easier. Pretty soon, it became a regular thing for me to have 10-15 people come over every weekend. Usually 80% of those I'm good friends with and 20% new people. I post Instagram stories of the parties for social proof and because it's bonding. Now I constantly hear through the grapevine that people want to be invited more frequently to my parties. I'm sort of a gatekeeper. I keep out the people who bring bad vibes and am always looking for new people who would improve our friend group. Make sure you listen to your friends because sometimes you don't know someone makes your friends uncomfortable because you don't witness when that occurs.
Now my friend group is filled with reliable people who never make last-minute cancellations. They're happy to be a part of this group, constantly tell me how grateful they are to have found us, and they praise me for being a connector of people.
I meet people everywhere. I've made friends with the staff at several restaurants, bars, and differing venues just because I came in once, and they seemed cool, so we exchanged Instagrams. Meetup groups have been a great source of friends. Volunteering. Eventually, parties and friends bringing their friends to my parties.
If you don’t have any friends, go to random events and meetups. Even if you don’t start a conversation, someone will probably start one with you.
Remember something about everyone you meet and ask them about it when you see them again or mention something about the last time you saw them
Keep in touch! Time kills blossoming friendships
Care about people, listen to them, engage. Making friends is more about listening and being genuinely interested in them than trying to come off as interesting or remarkable
Be reliable. Be on time or early to things. Always follow through on doing what you say you’ll do
Be constant. If you socialize once a week that’s fine. But always stick to it!
Always have your closest friends show up to your parties early to help set up
You could start by organising something and inviting people. See how it goes and if you enjoy organising. It could be an online event you host if you're still in lockdown or something with a small group of people you are close to to test the water.
If you're someone who is quite serious, try to practice being more relaxed around people, asking them questions etc. Be more curious about others.
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What I have learned from my life is that if you are interesting, then more interesting people will want to be around you. This maybe doesn't exactly answer your question, but if you make yourself into the type of person that you would like to hang out with then these types of people will gravitate to you.
I wouldn't recommend forcing something that you're not actually interested in. But if you become good at finding cool things to do then other people will be more excited to hang out with you.
On a practical level, it would be useful to discover what your hobbies are or what you're interested in and then find social groups of other people who have the same interests. I'll give an example, I moved to a new town and I looked up music meetups online as I like playing music and I also want to socialise with other people. Now I've made a few friends from it and we hang out and go to the pub together.
I have used the website https://www.meetup.com/ many times for finding new activities to do and groups of other people that are interested in the same things as me. For example, you could search for Board Games in Chicago and there will be a few groups of people in that area who meet up every week to play board games!
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