I have very feminine mannerisms, so I like them to be very manly.
I'm not sure about chest hair. I'm indifferent to beards, though I love a stubble, or that length of the beard when you can see some skin peeking through. Don't care about muscles, as long as he is healthy and comfortable with his body. Just well-groomed, basically. A gentleman when we're out and about, not so much in the bedroom though, haha.
To be honest, more than the physical features, certain personality traits are what makes a man manly to me. Like, if they are confident and intelligent; strong yet gentle; grounded and in control; have a dry wit. You know, those strong and silent types? Being intimidating/dominating in a healthy/respectful way is also very manly to me.
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Step 1. Define the word masculinity for yourself.
Step 2. Stop caring.
Step 3. Just be a good person.
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Girls, what do guys do that they think is "being manly" but in reality is the furthest thing from it?
Being that angry guy. Adults need to have more control of their emotions than toddlers do.
Not being able to do basic adult things like cooking and cleaning. A lot of guys seem to think domestic tasks are feminine and should be left to women, but not being able to take care of yourself makes you look incompetent, not manly.
If you make your partner feel like she's your mom, she will start feeling like your mom, and your mom does not want to fuck you.
Generally, policing other men's "manliness". Thinking of a time a guy tried the "that's a girly drink!" shame on a friend. Friend pointed out that as a MAN, he'd drink whatever he liked and dude could piss off.
Idiot guy was laughed at so hard by our group he left the bar.
Guys who treat their girl like shit in front of people to show that they are "the man" in the relationship. It always makes me think that in private, they must be very insecure about their masculinity.
I find gentle and affectionate men to be the manliest ones.
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Being very muscular isn't really an important masculine trait. As I mentioned in this subreddit in another thread, it is very much possible to be too muscular to the point that it's outright unattractive.
that women find it very attractive and manly to have a man be assertive and in control of the situation in his courting/seduction of her while she is passive.
Not for me! Keep in mind we aren't all a homogeneous group. But traditionally, I've done (and very much enjoyed doing) most of the "courting" activities in my relationships. I've asked a lot of guys out on dates. Hell, I even proposed to my fiance (I got down on one knee with a ring box and everything, he was totally surprised, probably will continue to be one of my favorite memories ever).
Coming from this, apparently it's quite common for women to have rape fantasies.
This is a common fantasy, though I think it derives a lot more from society's tendency to shame women who enjoy random, passionate sex, so rape fantasies give people a safe outlet to say "see, I'm still a good girl, in a rape fantasy it's not my fault that I'm going against the cultural grain".
I think there is also the tendency of romantacizing the ever living fuck out of rape fantasies. Everything is all sexy and steamy, the rapist is attacking you because they were just overcome with their lust and desire for you. It actually seems to be very strongly based in narcisism and the desire to be desired so much, that someone would stop at nothing to have sex with you.
I don't think it's based out of women just being naturally submissive, indecisive, and wanting men to tell them what to do.
But the opposite of the typical timid nice guy who is afraid to make moves and be sexual with her to build sexual tension (this is very unattractive, right?).
Being timid and sweet is very attractive in a man. This is different than simply showing no visible interest. I don't like being ignored. I love it when someone is responsive to me and the things I say and do. I don't love it when someone tries to force their sexual advances down my throat. I don't find that masculine or sexy, I find that inconsiderate, or if it's over-the-top enough, I find it threatening.
Is she basically saying that the she's looking for in a man a nice guy who is also assertive? Someone to seduce her, not be afraid of showing his sexuality, and be strong and confident, while not being an asshole and abusive to her?
Who knows.
I don't think anyone ever wants an asshole who is going to abuse them. Even people in D/s relationships have rules set aside that they abide by to prevent abuse. But beyond that you really need to judge these things on a case to case basis.
And because he doesn't put himself forward sexually, he's not even considered, despite being nice?
If you never leave your house you're never going to meet women. If, when in the presence of women, you don't even speak to them, you're never going to get into a relationship with them. There is a minimal amount of social interaction required of both males and females in order to actually get into a romantic relationship.
As someone who has always actively sought shy, nerdy, introverts I learned to put myself out there a lot. I got turned down a lot, but I also had a lot more success with people I was actually interested in because I went out on a limb. So assertiveness will help anyone have more success in dating.
to what extent do the past two paragraphs accurately describe what is considered manly and sexy by you in particular, and to what extent to they describe what is considered manly and sexy by other women?
None of it, honestly. Those are all traits easily possessed by women as well as men. More importantly in my case, those are traits that I posses. Last time I checked I am still very much female and I don't really consider myself manly.
What else does being manly mean to you and other women, especially in terms of seduction/courtship?
Good traits in a man include compassion, empathy, humor, level-headedness, and being good in conversation. It's also very important to be a good, active listener. I never want to fuck a man more than when I see him playing with children or cuddling an animal. That shows he's good daddy-material and it makes my ovaries quiver with joy. Seriously, I shit you not. Seeing a man who is nurturing makes me want to rip his clothes off. Seeing a man who is yet another Billy-badass who is large and in charge and wants to dominate me and tell me what to do? Not so much.
For the record, I am immediately put off by any guy who refers to his attempts to date me or other women as "seduction" because it just smacks of him being a PUA and that's a movement I can't get behind at all.
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Courage, honour, loyalty, calm under pressure, assertiveness, consideration, humour, responsibility, reliability - the list goes on.
Those are traits that anyone with XY chromosomes can aspire towards to be "manly," regardless of the clothes they wear or the girth of their biceps.
Some men naturally gravitate toward traditional "manly" pursuits and outward character traits, I am one of them. Some however do not, this does not make either of us more of a man than the other.
Women are engaged in a struggle to shed traditional gender expectations, and I don't see why men should be any different. Be your own kind of man, stick to your guns and the right people will come to you.
EDIT: Also, you should tell the next girl who says something like that to you how much it upsets you. Another trait to aspire to is emotional honesty, this is an important facet of being an assertive individual. I think that some women often forget to choose their words carefully around men, because when they say hurtful things we don't let them see us bleed because that's how we've been raised.
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A man who knows how to fix little things around the house. I don't need a full-on plumber/electrician/handyman, but it's seriously sexy when my man wields a wrench and takes care of business.
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Masculinity is a product of confidence in yourself (not arrogance), humility and strength of character. Be yourself and accept yourself. That's manly as fuck
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Thinking less about how masculine you come off in the first place is a step.
In the mean time, work on your posture. When sitting, men tend to take up more space physically. I'm not talking about being a fuck and invading other's space but don't sit with your legs crossed together or your arms in your lap.
Hand movements or direct and decisive. Don't flail, point. Generally use them minimally, like gesturing towards things or to illustrate a point.
When standing keep your feet shoulder width apart, back straight, head high and shoulders dropped. Don't stuff your whole hand in your pocket, it comes off as insecure.
Don't artificially try to make your voice sound deeper but do speak from your chest and annunciate when you speak.
You could work on other habits as well like how you dress, what you eat or drink, and hobbies. But that's up to you.
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