1. When you encounter adversity in life, there are really only two things that you can do…grow or suffer.
I’ve lost my mom, grandma, and grandpa within the last seven years. Honestly, these experiences have only made me stronger and more resilient.
I’m sharing this with you because if I could overcome a tragedy that killed me inside then you could conquer any obstacle that arises on your path as long as you're still standing.
Here are five tips to develop your mental resilience:
1) Face Things Head On
It’s the act of facing obstacles head-on and dealing with the pain that makes you mentally strong and resilient. I know that facing things head-on can be scary but it’s an absolute must if you want to grow and get stronger.
(Tip: when a challenge arises, start asking yourself logical questions such as: how can I grow from this? What’s the lesson here? How can I move forward from this?)
2) Everything Happens For a Reason - The Reason Is Growth or Experience
I encourage you to start believing in the idea that everything happens for a reason because that’s what helped me not suffer. No matter how painful it was to lose my mother at an early age, I tell myself that it was for a greater purpose, and doing so helped me find purpose in the pain.
It wasn't about finding out the reason why God decided to take them...it was about finding the reasons why this experience could make me stronger and wiser. By doing that, I shifted my reasons to ones that were more empowering. Come up with reasons that empower you and help you move forward.
Ultimately, whatever happens to you - good or bad - you'll either grow from it, learn from it or it becomes an experience you've had which gives you wisdom.
(Tip: When things aren’t going your way, ask yourself: how is this preparing me for something better? What can this teach me?)
3) Release Your Emotions
Emotions = Energy in motion. I believe one of the best ways to develop mental strength is by releasing bottled up emotions. This means if you feel sad or upset, then allow yourself to cry. If you feel angry or mad, then use that energy to go for a walk or do a few push-ups.
(Tip: when you’re feeling a negative emotion, focus on taking deeper breaths as they will be shallow causing you to feel more anxious)
4) Focus On What You Can Control
One important lesson I’ve learned in personal development is the idea of focusing on what you can control vs. the things you don’t have control over. You can’t control everything that happens in life but you can adapt to yourself.
(Tip: when you’re not sure about how to handle something, ask yourself: what’s something I can control in this situation? Am I focused on what I can’t control?)
5) Remember That Life Is Short
The truth is that our lives are temporary. We are all here for a limited amount of days. That fact reminds me to not dwell on the things that are out of my control because I don’t want to spend my valuable time feeling upset and negative.
(Tip: when you’re feeling down, ask yourself: Is this situation worth me feeling upset over? If it is, then release those emotions and move on.)
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2. Toughness is not about fighting people, working construction, or sleeping on your floor. Being strong, being tough, and being durable are three different things.
Real mental toughness is acceptance. Accept the reality of what is happening and act accordingly. When you see mentally tough people in action, they aren't trying to wish the world around them into something easier; they aren't complaining about how it used to be, or how it could be better. Almost none of them are signed up for the nearest Krav Maga class. What they are doing is accepting what the world has given them and doing the best they can with it.
Being sensitive has nothing to do with being tough or not. And, of course, acceptance is a much more challenging goal than it seems. Can you be honest with yourself and accept what you find? I bet that if you look into yourself and examine why you want to cry when your parents are rightly angry with you, you're going to find something unattractive. Maybe fear, maybe self-pity, or maybe something else.
Whatever you find, accept it. Accept it because it's real and then figure out what to do from there. If you want to change how you react then you've got figure out why you react like you do. That's how mental toughness works--you look clear-eyed at what you want and what tools you have to get you there, and you figure it out. You won't always get where you're going but you will always find a new tool if you can honestly review the experience, accept what you learned, and do it again.
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