My youngest (4) got into the "why" phase a little while back. Read an article that said the best way to get them to stop was to ask them "I'm not sure, what do you think?" It is a godsend. They answer their own question, you provide some feedback "Sounds good to me." and they immediately move on. Fucking awesome.
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To avoid workplace drama and be well liked is to just compliment people behind their back.
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When I’m doing backcountry hiking patrol in a wilderness area I’m supposed to keep an eye out for people with dogs, which are not allowed. The ranger taught me to ask any dog walkers, “Are you looking for somewhere to walk your dog?” That gives them the chance to pretend they didn’t know about the rule (signs posted of course) so they don’t lose face. Then I give them a brochure with dog-friendly trails.
It’s a brilliantly nonconfrontational technique, and I use it in other parts of my life.
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My wife calls this the simplest most manipulative thing i do.
Whenever I bump in to an acquaintance (meaning not friend, just a person i know) I of course say hi and the conversation goes like this.
Me: Hey! How are you name? You look good!
Them: laugh Thank you, I’m good how are you?
Me: I’m great, i’m on the way to wherever i am going to at the time and I tell them why too. So what are you doing here?
Them: Go in to same detail to tell me where they’re going and why
Me: Alright, well I won’t keep you up any longer then I have, have a good day name!
It leaves people feeling good, takes away the awkwardness of cutting a convo short and it makes them want to leave.
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If you look happy to see someone eveytime you see them, they will eventually be happy to see you.
Be nice, even to mean people. It's kinda fun see someone initially angry soften when you don't9 give in to anger.
Don't insult people, tell them how you wish they'd behave. For example someone is obviously rude, just say you really like when they are nice to you, they can't really call you out on it and possibly make them realize their behavior.
Ask big knowing it will be dismissed, then ask for the thing you really want, there's a real term for it, open door technique or something. (It's actually "Door in the face" technique, thanks everyone!)
Do not verbally attack people, say how you feel. People can get defensive when attacked, but no one can deny how you feel.
In a confrontation, stay calm, be gentle and focus on the problem, not the person (unless the person IS the problem in this case feel free to dispose of them).
If you have to make a critic to someone, try to sandwich it between two positive facts about them in this order [ Positive -> Negative -> Positive]. They tend to be received better this way.
Want to trick people into liking you? Ask them for a favor, even the smallest ones like "Can you hold my pen for a second?". This tricks the brain as they will think. "I am doing a favor to this person so I must like them otherwise I wouldn't".
Similarly:
Kid needs to brush their teeth and get their pajamas on.
Option A:
"Come and brush your teeth."
"No, I'm playing."
Option B:
"Come and get your pajamas on"
"No, I'm playing."
Option C:
"Do you want to brush your teeth first, or put your pajamas on?"
"Ummmm... pajamas."
Works on adults too.
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Think of my future self...
How will my future self feel in an hour or two if I skip my gym session?
Will my future self be happy if I do this pile of dishes now, before bed? Or would he prefer to have to do it in the morning, before work?
I have a three month deadline on this project, will my future self appreciate my current self taking the first three or four weeks easy, or will he be really pissed off?
...essentially delayed gratification. Pretty much all the bad stuff gives us instant gratification, while all the good stuff has delayed gratification. I always try to remember that - if I have to wait to reap the rewards then it's probably the best option.
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Talking myself to sleep. I’ll think things like, “my bed is sooooo comfortable. Sleeping is soooo easy. I love sleeping. Sleeping is great.” Instead of agonizing over why I can’t sleep. Positively reinforcing myself is my new lullaby lmao
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The concept of getting something for free completely derails a person's critical thinking skills.
My dad was tool distributor and drove a truck to various repair shops selling tools to mechanics.
He got an idea to start selling candy bars on his truck for one dollar. But you would get a free candy bar with every tool purchase.
Almost everyone who asked how much the candy bar was didn't want to pay a dollar for one, but they would buy a $100 socket set in order to get the candy bar for free.
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Have a toddler that is in a bad mood? Sit down with them, look them straight in the eye, and say "You're mad, so don't laugh." Just keep repeating it as seriously as you can.
I've done it for 15 different cousins over a couple of decades, and by the fifth repetition of "DON'T LAUGH" they are busting a gut and rolling on the floor.
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The Flinch. Whether you're negotiating a raise, the sale price of a car you want to buy, who does what chores around the house, always flinch visibly at the first and sometimes second offers. The Flinch can be as simple as a small wince, a sigh, or an eyeroll. The Flinch quite often causes people to lowball the initial offer. I learned this from my was-husband and it freaking works. Got my current job at 10% over the max salary because I flinched.
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I use this trick all the time when someone is yelling at me over the phone.
Stay completely silent.
Don't ignore them and speak when spoken to but when they are talking, nothing. No "uh-huh"s, no "mmm"s, no "I see". Nothing. Deprive them of all subconscious feedback.
You really have to work at it because humans naturally try to feed off one another verbally in conversation. The other person will quickly sense that something is wrong in the conversation and it usually throws them off track enough that they stop ranting or yelling and tell you what they actually want.
Best way to shut someone up without being rude. Semiotics professor taught it to me.
It works just as well in person but, face-to-face, you have to also avoid nodding, moving your hands and you have to look them directly in the eyes.
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Whenever my toddler refuses to do something, I start doing it. Then they get all angry cause they wanna do it.
Idiots
EDIT: WOW! So many great comments. And thanks for the gold kind stranger!
EDIT 2: Now Silver! I'm glad so many of us agree that kids are idiots!
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I tell mine that I'm giving her a choice between two things.
The catch is that both of the choices are things that I want to have happen.
Example: Toddler won't nap. I say, "Would you like to have some juice and then take your nap, or would you like to take a nap without any juice?"
Those are obviously the same two things, but one has juice, and suddenly the nap becomes more appealing.
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People are more likely to believe something you tell them if it's self depreciating. You can make up some sort of lie but if you add something negative about yourself in it it sounds more believable.
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It's my time to shine!
Psychological researcher here and I have a few tips to help you out in some situations.
Romance: Look up the false attribution of arousal. Basically, if you want to make someone like you, get their heart rate going. Take them on a date to see a scary movie and then go out for coffee. This puts their body in an aroused (increased blood flow, not sexual) state. Their mind then falsely attributes that physiological effect to being with you making them think they like you! (hopefully they actually do, but this gets the ball rolling)
Attractiveness: Wearing red. For women, the color red makes them exponentially more attractive. Research has shown that men will go to great lengths to do things for a woman in red that they would not do otherwise like give her money or even carry her across the street.
Interviewing: Body mirroring. So something that we do that we don't realize is mirror the body language of people that we like, like our friends. If they sit crossed legged, we will. If they touch their face, we will. This goes back to the subconscious will to be more like the people that we respect. You can kind of "force" this though, say in an interview. Put a conscious effort into mirroring the body posture of your interviewer, bun don't be obvious about it. Be nice and subtle. This will kin of trick their mind into thinking that they like you. After all, you are doing similar things with your body, why not!
Get them to talk about themselves. People are selfish and they love talking about what they do. Ask your interviewer as many questions about what they do for work and really listen. They will walk away from the interview in a good mood because they got to talk about themselves and they will then think that the interview went well.
If you are able, schedule the interview as early as possible. There's a ton of cognitive psychology research about the primacy effect which essentially states that items are more memorable if they are presented earlier. So if you're going into a grad school interview where the person will literally be interviewing all day, you will be more memorable if you go first. If you are unable to be first go last. Similarly, there is research about the recency effect, which states that items are also memorable if they are presented last, though the primacy effect is more reliable. Just try not to be stuck in the middle.
Debate: Don't give your stance first. Give your argument. In some self interest research that I did myself in my undergrad, I found that your persuasiveness is fragile and dependent on your social identity. For example, if you came out and say "I'm an atheist and this is what I believe," you are already seen as less persuasive and more biased because people already know why you are arguing what you're arguing; you have something to gain by convincing people. You're an atheist.
What you should do is not say you're an atheist at all. Say "this is what I believe..." Because people don't have an assumption already in their mind, they will be more likely to view you as less biased. Bonus points if you're on the opposite side. For example, a conservative arguing for gay rights is going to be viewed as very persuasive and not biased at all because they literally have nothing to gain from holding that viewpoint while a homosexual arguing for gay rights does have something to gain and thus is seen as more biased.
Additional oddities:
Reminding people of their death will make them more likely to follow a charismatic leader.
You have a much higher chance of success in a relationship if your parents and your friends like your romantic partner.
The placebo effect is actually more powerful than some medications. One study found that cancer patients given a placebo to treat their cancer had a 12% increase in remission rates.
A UCLA study found that students worked better in a partner task with an openly homosexual student as opposed to an "ambiguously homosexual" (seems gay but not sure). This was true for beth cognitive tasks (math) and motor tasks.
There's a TON more fascinating social psychological research out there.
TL;DR psychology is boss
EDIT: Woah thanks so much for gold!!
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